Conflicts can be anywhere!
- At work, home, elsewhere
- Many people find it difficult to manage conflict because they don’t know HOW to do it.
- “If I tell the other person what I really think, this could be the end of the relationship!”
- “Stop what I want to really say for the sake of continuing the relationship!”
- ”tell people what I think, and later realise that this effectively ended the relationship!”
- It is not the conflict, and how I handle the conflict! Am I going to react or respond
Frame of mind, most likely, in conflict situations
- I am right!
- You are wrong!
- You ought to do what I am telling you to!
- By deduction, I want to win – and you to lose!
- This makes one another push each other back, and leads to further conflict! Remember: Whatever one resists, persists! What one accepts, disappears!
- Almost always, the stronger person wins, and not always with the most optimal solution
- Remember: One CANNOT “win a fight in a relationship!” – the moment one is fighting, they have lost. And winning a fight only means I have created a future disgruntled opponent!
Simple techniques for managing any kind of conflict:
- Listen to understand:
- feelings first, data next
- active, inspiring listening (no interruptions)
- clarify understanding (no rebuttals)
- Communicate to explain (feelings first, data next):
- feelings and thoughts
- support with data and reasoning
- clarify assumptions
- communicate inspiringly
- weave understanding from listening into speaking
- Negotiate inspiringly and fairly:
- be clear about “Must haves”
- be flexible with the “nice to haves”
- let go of the “bells and whistles”
- the answer is somewhere in the middle
- Clarify and recap understanding:
- who does what?
- by when?
- Thank the other
- With words, tone, and body language
“There is an immutable conflict at work in life and in business, a constant battle between peace and chaos. Neither can be mastered, but both can be influenced. How you go about that is the key to success.”