Conflict Management Demystified


Conflicts can be anywhere!

  • At work, home, elsewhere
  • Many people find it difficult to manage conflict because they don’t know HOW to do it.
    • “If I tell the other person what I really think, this could be the end of the relationship!”
    • “Stop what I want to really say for the sake of continuing the relationship!”
    • ”tell people what I think, and later realise that this effectively ended the relationship!”
    • It is not the conflict, and how I handle the conflict! Am I going to react or respond

Frame of mind, most likely, in conflict situations

  • I am right!
  • You are wrong!
  • You ought to do what I am telling you to!
  • By deduction, I want to win – and you to lose!
  • This makes one another push each other back, and leads to further conflict! Remember: Whatever one resists, persists! What one accepts, disappears!
  • Almost always, the stronger person wins, and not always with the most optimal solution
  • Remember: One CANNOT “win a fight in a relationship!” – the moment one is  fighting, they have lost. And winning a fight only means I have created a future disgruntled opponent!

Simple techniques for managing any kind of conflict:

  • Listen to understand:
    • feelings first, data next
    • active, inspiring listening (no interruptions)
    • clarify understanding (no rebuttals)
  • Communicate to explain (feelings first, data next):
    • feelings and thoughts
    • support with data and reasoning
    • clarify assumptions
    • communicate inspiringly
    • weave understanding from listening into speaking
  • Negotiate inspiringly and fairly:
    • be clear about “Must haves”
    • be flexible with the “nice to haves”
    • let go of the “bells and whistles”
    • the answer is somewhere in the middle
  • Clarify and recap understanding:
    • who does what?
    • by when?
  • Thank the other
    • Sincerely
    • With words, tone, and body language

“There is an immutable conflict at work in life and in business, a constant battle between peace and chaos. Neither can be mastered, but both can be influenced. How you go about that is the key to success.”

Phil Knight



One thought on “Conflict Management Demystified

  1. Pingback: The two sides of feedback | Cheenu's Blog

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